Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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