Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
