after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
