just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
