i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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