I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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