My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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