We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
