If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just invented taco cereal.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
