You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
