I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
