so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
