Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
