I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
