What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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