dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
