I just saw a hot homeless man
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
