yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
