your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
