I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It's just like the Real World with babies
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
