She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
