When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
