When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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