The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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