I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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