drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
