Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
