I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
