Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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