if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
it's like heaven, but drunker
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
