everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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