I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
