Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
