I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
