I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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