problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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