I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
