like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
