So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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