All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
