Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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