I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
