i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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