I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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