I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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