You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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