Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
