guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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