I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
