Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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