he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
