ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
