Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
