420 ftw
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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