Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
