LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
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