what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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