When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
