The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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