Welp...herpes.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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