Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
