i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
