Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize