she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
