i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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