so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
