You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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