I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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