Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
