Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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