well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
