i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
40s are totally the cure
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
