he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
