I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
one might say we're banned from that church
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
