All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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