I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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