this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
