someone owes me an orgasm
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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